the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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