We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
