Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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