Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
