i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
