ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
