I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize