go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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