if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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