I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
