Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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