she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize