Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
