it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
