I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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