**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize