I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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