Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
