Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
