When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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