i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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