Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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