he shaved USA in his pubs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
