Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
