You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
