I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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