i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
