dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
