the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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