Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
