i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
