Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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