he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
