p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
