That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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