i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
