but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
