There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
