As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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