drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
