whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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