It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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