HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
