Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
