oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
