we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I could make wine with my vomit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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