im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
