My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize