A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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