I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
