is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am one with the molecules
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
