Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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