:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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