she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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