sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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