My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
