Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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