So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
