the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
