Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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