you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
