Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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