He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
