he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's get the cat blown out
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize