Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
