Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize