It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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