I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
