the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
