Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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