I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
