come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize